I’m going to go over 102 rules, and most of these don’t work without the first rule.
Your fear is a compass; follow it.
I’m not suggesting that you jump off a building or wrestle alligators- because those things are just dangerous. I’m talking about the positive challenges that frighten us. A challenge generally scares us only if it’s really meaningful, or pushes us to the limits of our ability. If your next opportunity doesn’t scare you, even a little, then you have to ask if it’s even worth doing.
Many of the best things in my life have been things that terrified me. Going away to college, my first girlfriend, moving outside of the country, traveling alone, applying for jobs that were far above me. These experiences have all been so meaningful and shaped who I am. The moments that didn’t scare me, didn’t make me grow- it was just me passing time.
Four useful steps to follow your fear
1. Think of what scares you? What makes your heart race with anxiety? Identify it. Write it down. Don’t type it into a computer- actually write it down on a physical piece of paper.
2. What opportunities can you take to address that fear? Make a list. Are you afraid of talking to people? Find social events online, and sign up to go to these events so you can talk to people. Are you afraid of making financial decisions? Sign up for a class to learn about investing. Are you afraid of taking that new job? Find mentors or people you can speak to in order to discuss the fears of this new job.
When we’re afraid of something, we so often just stew in the juices of our angst, and then do nothing. But taking these small steps can be very empowering.
3. Follow through. Did you sign up for that class or that social event? Good. Now get off your ass and go do it. Force yourself to do it.
4. Set higher goals. As you face your fears, you’ll realize they weren’t so bad in the first place, and they’ll be replaced by bigger fears. As you confront them, you’ll begin taking on bigger and bigger challenges, and guess what that process is called? Living!
I have social anxiety, so I get terrified when it comes to social situations. Talking to strangers freaks me the f*** out. When I was living in Tokyo I heard about this website called Couchsurfing.com. A social network for travelers.
People put events on the website, and anybody can sign up to attend. I signed up for an event in Tokyo, to view the cherry blossoms at night.
I went to the designated train station, and the entire way there my heart was beating so fast and my mind raced ‘What if no one talks to you,’ I thought. ‘What if everyone is mean to you.’ ‘What if they think you’re boring, or if they laugh at you, or if you have nothing to say and it’s super awkward.’
I arrived at the station and saw a group of foreigners standing near the entrance, chatting and having a good time. I figured they were the people from the website. I stood 10 meters away, watching them, and wanting so badly to talk to them. But then the voice in my head said that I should just go home. It’s too scary to talk to strangers. It’s safe at home, where I can just watch Youtube and scroll through Facebook for hours.
But with sweaty palms and a nervous breath I approached the group. I spoke in a meek voice,
“Hi, are- are- are you the guys from Couchsurfing?”
The group was lovely, and welcomed me, and I had a wonderful time with them.
I was introduced to one of my dear friends at that event- a well-seasoned traveler, who had much wisdom to bestow upon me. He gave me a lot of advice- how to avoid taxi scams, how to get deals while traveling, how to meet people, how to stay safe- and it inspired me to see the world. Japan was only my second country- I was barely a world traveler then.
If I had gone home that night, and given in to my fear, I would never have met him. I might not have been so inspired to see the world. I have been to 35 countries on four continents now (and still going). I don’t know who I would have been if I hadn’t gone to that meeting.
So think about all the times that you’ve given in to fear. The times you didn’t talk to that cute girl or guy. The times you didn’t apply for that job. The times you didn’t go on the trip or take that class.
This is not meant to make you feel bad for missing opportunities- I have succumbed to my fear SO MANY times, and missed out on a lot of cool things that I regret. The point of this is to realize that the power to change things lies in your hands. You are the only one who can choose whether or not to follow your fear. You and you alone decide how to take the next step in your life. And if that step scares you, chances are that it really matters to you, and you should find a way to do it (as long as it’s not jumping off buildings or wrestling alligators).
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102 Rules! 